hesitant

How often do you call the whole practice of personal blogging into question?

I find that I question it more and more frequently….which is, I suppose, in keeping with how I feel about the entire world around me.

I question my beliefs, my marriage, my parenting, my relationships, my lifestyle, my priorities.  And while I question these things, I crave a place to share and reflect…yet, I doubt blogging is the best way to do so.  I also question that anyone really gives a flip about what I question, because they’re so busy doing their own questioning…at least I hope they are.

Some people may believe questioning is a lack of faith, but I disagree.  Questioning, to me, is growing.

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When BigGirl was a bitty baby, I remember feeling how strong her will was, even well before she was able to articulate it.  There was just a sense of self, intention, determination about her that was evident in every interaction she had with the world around her.  At times, this felt like a curse rather than a gift…for a young mommy, that is.  I suppose my life would’ve been a lot easier if she had been the “good” little baby that would sit for endless hours in a stroller while I merried along on my own agenda.  If she had been a docile little thing, content to soak in a Baby Einstein video, I could’ve had a much more “convenient” mommyhood.  But, that was not my child.

Now, as I continue to work harder than some to get my child(ren) to “go with the flow” of life, I also am reaping the benefits of my child(ren)’s individuality.  I can see very clearly that she will be a strong young woman one day.  In fact, both of my girlies are destined to be forces to be reckoned with one day.  In that spirit, I suppose my own questioning and requestioning of myself and others is a strength, yes?

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I dropped my doggies off at Doggie Camp recently as we headed out of town.  Doggie Camp Manager Girl was behind the counter, finishing up a tour with a potential client when I came in with my Bo and Daisy.  I waited patiently for my turn.  As she began the check-in process, a Doggie Camp Counselor came in and sweetly greeted my four-legged babies.  Then, I observed something interesting.

Doggie Camp Manager said, “Camp Counselor Girl, if you could clock in and take Bo and Daisy back to their room, that would be A-MAAAAZ-ING.”

I wanted to say, “Really?? Would that be AMAZING??? Because I can see how that would be helpful – or maybe even great – but AMAZING???”

Thinking this morning, I’m wondering if blogging, Facebook, Twitter all magnify the importance – in a superficial way – of our lives, making the truly important things harder to recognize…or even just harder for us to remain focused on these things?

So, I ask you…how often do you question this forum?  Do you ever wonder if and when enough is enough?  Do you constantly ask yourself to define and redefine borders and boundaries? Do you ever wonder if we’re all being a little arrogant or false? And if you have wondered these things, how do you make peace with these thoughts?  How can we use these tools, that undoubtedly add much to the richness of our lives and help us strengthen our connections to people in our lives (which I find to be the most important thing of all), without diluting our priorities and self-image?

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4 thoughts on “hesitant

  1. hmmm…such good questions.

    i tend to gravitate towards blog and bloggers who are very open and honest about their lives. i want to read about the bad with the good and i want to know what makes people tick. there are so many bloggers who just want to keep the focus of their blogs on the ‘happy’ or ‘pretty’ moments of their lives. and while i understand that is their choice and those are their own personal boundaries they have laid out, it holds little appeal to me and i lose interest pretty quickly.

    i love blogging for the community that it makes available to me. through it, ive made so many friends and met so many people i probably never would have made in without this medium. and i think you cant truly make friends with people who arent open and honest about their life.

    as for Twitter, it bores me and ive basically abandoned it.

    and facebook? i use this mainly as a tool to keep up with certain friends. but i think it definitely has the ability to get “phony.” again, you have to share only what you feel necessary, and very few people share the bad and the ugly on facebook.

    these are great questions. i cant wait to read others responses.

  2. I question many things too, especially when I try to define who I am since I wear so many hats… daughter, sister, niece, cousin, wife, mom, friend, colleague, co-worker, employee, educator, neighbor, citizen, acquaintance,… The list is endless. Then I remember I am a woman, doesn’t that somewhat say it all?

    Anyway, is it too much? Depends. On what? I think it varies for everyone. I was actually contemplating on starting a blog about my daily encounters with the crazy things that make me laugh or that I just wonder about. This would probably involve my family… a lot! So then it made me think of privacy. Just because I feel the urge to write about it, should I compromise the privacy of my loved ones? That’s when I start to consider self-image. Does this mean I would have to be able to specifically describe who I am? Hmm? I guess these tools are to be used just like everything else in life, in moderation.

    I don’t have an answer. Just more questions for me to ask myself. Thanks for posting. It’s nice to see I’m not alone with these kind of thoughts.

  3. I am a huge questioner. I’ve never met anyone who questions things the way I do and because of that I don’t blog. I have to be honest, I feel that if I put every thought I have out there for everyone to read, I would offend people. I am a genuine person…if you ask me a question, I’ll give you an honest opionion, but I try to keep most of my wonderings to myself. So I guess that would make some blogs fake…are people really putting their true thoughts without any fear? I keep a journal, but not on the internet. I love the way I see myself age. I get embarrassed by my younger opinions and I’m thankful they are not posted on the internet for all to read. 🙂

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